Don’t Panic! What to do when everything goes wrong

There is something very important I want to share with you that may impact how you deal with adversity. It was something I learned from a training I was getting in mediation. I was hoping to help people in disputes to come to some agreement without using the court system, and the training was a great insight into human nature under pressure.

The key point I remember is that people who become stressed lose their minds. Specifically, they lose the ability to reason rationally.

This is why people often need help resolving disputes that are emotional. Once the emotions kick in, reason takes a hike. Anger and anxiety overwhelm clear thought. This gets the disputants into a yelling or fighting match, instead of their sitting down together and reasonably working things out according to each other’s clearly stated needs and wants.

The implications for this are astounding. It means that whenever we get into tense, emotional, anxious situations, our higher sense of reason becomes abandoned, just when we need it most.

You would think that the benefit of being able to reason is to help you through tough, emotional times. Some people are capable of suppressing their emotions and make a rational decision, and these people are good as leaders. But most people get overwhelmed and stupid when they have to face trouble. Their minds freeze and cannot process higher level thoughts, as they become frozen in fear and anxiety.

This means that when something terrible happens to you or someone/something you care about, your higher level reasoning will be the first thing to go as the emotions kick in. This has several implications.

1. The time to figure things out reasonable is when you are calm and collected, not when the shit has hit the fan. So think ahead and plan for negative contingencies before you need to deal with emotional issues.

2. Develop procedures to follow in the event of an emergency, write them down, and follow them when the time comes. The purpose of developing procedures and protocols for emergencies is that you have figured out what to do in advance, with a rational mind, to guide you when you are not rational and have to act. This is why following procedure is enforced in fields such as medicine, fire fighting, policing, and in the military. When the bullets start to fly, you need to reflexively know what to do, since you will not easily be able to figure it out under fire. Religions also have traditions and rituals prescribed to help people through emotional times, such as mourning. Having a protocol written down and following it will help people through the mental blackout that occurs under stress.

3. When you are sick and at the doctor’s office, realize that your mind is not at its best. The stress of being there, and the anxiety of what may be happening to you, will bring out the worst in your reasoning ability. This is not the time to make decisions, like whether you agree to surgery, or whether you want to donate your kidneys if you die in surgery. Try always having someone who is calm and reasonable with you to help you make these decisions. Of course, the irony is that medical ethics requires that patients give informed consent for any procedure or treatment, and this requires full information about the potential side effects and hazards. It also requires full understanding and rationality to assess one’s choices. But when stressed you can’t make rational sense out of these issues. So don’t go to the doctor or hospital alone. Bring someone who can be rational under pressure.

4. Knowing that you are not at your mental best when stressed, try not making any hasty decisions when under pressure. We have all seen movies that show people making bad decisions after a tragedy strikes. For example, someone gets punched and falls backward, hitting their head against a chair and cracking their skull, killing them. The person who did the punching is shocked, anxious, and feeling guilty, and doesn’t know what to do. But in a few moments, they decide to take the body to the river and dump it, instead of calling the police. The rest of the movie has the protagonist running from the law, as they make one bad decision after another, all the while wracked by mind-numbing emotion. So if that happens to you, take some time to think and collect yourself before driving the body to the river. ;)

5. Realize that when you are not thinking clearly, it’s hard to realize that you are not thinking clearly. It also means that others may be feeling the same way, and don’t realize that they are being irrational and overly emotional. At those times, disengage yourself from the situation and let things cool down. It may be helpful to involve an impartial person to help, like a mediator.

6. Try to find friends who can help you make difficult decisions, who understand your values and who care about you. When you go to buy a car, or a house, or some other big ticket item that has a high pressure salesperson, they will play on your emotions, which will get you out of your mind and into your feelings. It could even be good feelings. Emotions and logic do not easily mix, so the more emotional you become, positive or negative, the less rational you become. Your friend can help you make a rational choice, and not just an emotional one you may regret once your brain kicks back in.

When we think about stress, we often consider the health impacts on the heart, or the mind. We rarely consider the impact on our ability to reason. It seems counterintuitive that our mind goes blank when we need it the most. Not everyone is that way, and they are the leaders and are good people to have in your life. For the rest of us, count to 10 before you act, and if you’re still worked up over something, count to 100.

Hopefully, your brain will realize that it is needed, and your emotions will take a backseat to reason.